Prank Wars
by Greecian-Gurl
Summary: Jack O'Neill decided to start off a certain Major's day with a prank. But what happens when it becomes an all out war. And will they finally begin to see how thay really feel? Took out songch4!
1. And it begins

Hey everybody, Greecian-Gurl here and before we begin I don't own the Stargate characters, those rights belong to who ever created the stargate series! Now, let the prank wars begin

Chapter 1

Major Samantha -or Sam- Carter was angry, no pissed at one Colonel Jack O'neill. Stalking down the halls leaving a trail of pink paint was not how she wanted to begin her morning. '_Oh yes,' _she thought, '_I'll be the talk of the rumor mill for sure today. Just when I was beginning to think I could have a relatively normal day.' _Yup this day would forever be ingrained in her mind for however many years to come.

Flashback 

Sam had made her way past the checkpoints and was making her way to the women's locker room. Walking down the halls of the SGC she past several airman. Thinking she'd be relatively alone on her short trip she was surprised to her a familiar voice call down the hall to her.

_"Hello sir," she said as her CO caught up to her and they began to walk again._

_"I'm surprised to see you actually left base last night carter," O'neill said trying to start a conversation, "I was almost sure you'd started living here."_

_"Well someone needed to take of my plants ,sir, and I'd rather die than let the elderly lady next store take care of them," she replied, the ghost of a smile on her face._

_"Aaaahh, worried your plants will get bored without you there to talk to them," he shot back, looking down at her to see her blushing._

_"Thanks for the comment, sir, I'll remember that comment the next time you try to get me to help with your paperwork!" was the only thing she needed to say as they came to the door of the women's locker room._

_"Well see you later Carter," he said with…was that a smirk she saw. No it couldn't be. She just hadn't had her coffee today, nothing to be worried about… right?_

_"You too, sir." Was all she could say as she walk into the locker room. Nothing to worry about, she thought. Well that was what she'd been thinking until she'd open her locker to have a torrent of bright pink paint come cascading onto her head._

End Flashback 

Snorting at the memory Sam made her way to the infirmiry hoping to recruit the help of her vest friend, Dr. Janet Fraiser. Oh she was not going down without a fight. Oh yes, she was officially declaring war on one Colonel, and it would not be pretty. Not pretty at all. When she was done with her he would regret the day he messed with Samantha Carter.

So what do ya think? I had a lot of fun writing it. I don't know completely how it'll turn out yet. Maybe I'll surprise myself for a change. Oh and pleeeeaaase REVIEW. It would make me feel oh so happy. Any ideas would be helpful too! I want to know what you think.


	2. Always Check the brownies

Hey again everyone! Glad to see that people actually liked this story. Seeing as it's my first I could have sworn it would be a disaster. Well here's chapter two of Prank Wars!

Chapter 2: And our war begins

"And that's what happened," Sam Carter finished, looking rather pissed, eating a large chocolate candy bar with her best friend Janet, in the infirmary.

All Janet could do was stick a giant piece of chocolate into her mouth and resist the urge to burst out laughing. Looking rather amused as she gulped down her chocolate, she finally composed her self enough to reply, "So you want my help in getting revenge on Colonel O'Neill?"

"Yes" was her only answer as she stabbed moodily at a piece of chocolate cake.

Janet looked back at her friend and considered the offer. After all these years of having to put up with the Colonel whining it would be a good to get some revenge. Oh yes this could be fun. Maybe she could get the people in the control room (A/N you know the place where they watch the little TV's that show everything going on.) to tape their prank and make copies.

" I would so love to prank the Colonel with you! It would be so worth it to see the look on his face! What do have in mind?" And with a smirk the two ladies began working on the perfect plan to get back at everyone's favorite colonel.

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Sitting the commissary with the other two male members of SG-1, Jack O'Neill happily ate his cake, thinking about how well his prank went. Looking over at Daniel, he noticed that Daniel looked slightly worried and Teal'c was as impassive as normal.

"Somethin' up Danny boy. You look a little scared," Jack said still munching happily on his cake.

"Weeellll, what if Sam decides to prank you back. I mean she probably knows you were the one to prank her. What if she finds out we helped, she'll kill us for sure and then I won't get to finish translating-"

"Daniel Jackson. I believe that you have no reason to worry. Major Carter would not kill you. I do agree however that she may become angry at us for playing a joke on her." Teal'c said, interrupting Daniel, not a bit of worry etched into his face.

"Thanks for shutting him up, T. Exactly Danny she probably won't pranks us back anyways. It would be way past her to play a childish prank on us. Besides she's gonna be busy with her doohickeys anyways, nothing to worry about." Jack said looking back and forth between his friends. As he finished his cake Sam chose this moment to walk into the room. Carrying a box of brownies with her, she walked over to the table. Setting them down on the table she turned to her teammates.

"Hey guys. Did you here about that person putting paint into my locker. I have to say it was a great prank. I congratulate the person who came up with the idea." She said looking at her teammates.

"So, uh Carter what's with the brownies? Did you make them yourself?" Jack said looking at the box slightly uneasy.

"No sir, Cassie made them, Janet asked me to bring some to you guys. Said Cassie's become quite the chef. She wanted all of us to try them. I have to say they're really good. I'd love to join you right now but I've got a report to write. See you all later." And with that she was walking out the door, trying very hard not to smirk.

Having relaxed at knowing Cassie had made them- or so he thought- he popped one into his mouth, motioning for the other to do the same. Once they'd had all swallowed Daniel spoke up.

"Those were really good. Maybe we can get Cassie to sub in for the chef's here. With a laugh all three boy went to leave. Having no clue hat their day would have a very desperate need to go to the restroom. You just gotta love being able to bake using laxatives!

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So what do you think? I can't wait to continue writing this. Review and give me your opinion. Thanx to gatermage, Daz, pand, The Cashew Nuts, and nogigglingmajor. I love you!


	3. Never Doubt a woman

Hey there guys and gals! Sorry I took forever to update this story! I won't delay you any longer. So here's chapter three of prank wars.

Chapter three: Never doubt the powers of a woman

Twenty minutes later Sam, Janet and General Hammond were sitting in the briefing room discussing phase two of heir prank.

" Ok in five minutes you want me to call Colonel O'Neill to my office and give him this pile of paper to fill out," General Hammond was saying to the two female officers, "Then you want me to say he can't leave until he's done. Half way through the papers the laxatives will kick in but he won't be able to do anything because I'm watching him fill out papers."

" That's right sir. Plus he'll be so annoyed because the questions he has to answer in the papers are totally random." Was Janet's reply to him, looking back and forth between her friend and CO the entire time.

" Hopefully about a third of the way through and break and ask you if he can leave. Then phase three begins, and that, sir, is when we have all the male bathrooms closed off. He'll be embarrassed, but when he finally breaks again at that point he'll walk into a woman's bathroom. No one should be in that one though. I'll stand in the woman's bathroom on this floor to see how he reacts at first," Sam explained.

"Alright, well let's begin shall we," Hammond said turning to Walter and signaling for him tot call Colonel O'Neill to his office.

"Yes sir," came the replies and both girls ran off.

" Man I love this job." Was all the general could say as he walked into his office.

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"Colonel O'Neill to the briefing room, Colonel O'Neill to the briefing room." Is what Jack heard five minutes later as he roamed the halls of the SGC looking for something to do.

"_Great! And here I was thinking I could run off and bug spacemonkey."_ Were his thoughts as he turned on his heal and walked to the elevator. Swiping his key card he stood and waited for the elevator to arrive, whistling all the while.

Reaching the door to the briefing room, jack could see General Hammond sitting in one of the chairs waiting for him. Still wondering what was going on he entered the room.

"Sir. Umm so what's going on. This doesn't look like one of those 'suicide mission this, blow somethin' up that' moments," he said, taking a chair next to his CO.

" No, it isn't Colonel. I need you to fill out some routine paperwork for me. I'm going to sit here and watch you fill it out, so you can't claim to forget!" General Hammond said, and with that he placed a pile of papers in front of his second in command. "_Karma's a bitch Jack. You should know I've just been dying to get you after all these years!"_ He thought as he sat back in his chair to watch the very annoyed Colonel.

_"Lets see… Name, age, sex…yes please… all right birth date, this seems like the kind of thing the higher ups already know. Oh wow… did I ever have an affair? No to that question. Blah blah blah. Whoa… Okay they do not need to know the last time I did that." _Were Jack's thoughts as he worked through the meaningless paperwork.

This continued for another hour, though by then Jack was extremely antsy. He _really _had to go. But he couldn't just ask the general if he could leave… could he? He had to much pride to ask his CO if he could use the bathroom. " Geez, what the heck did I eat," he mumbled under his breath as he answered question after question.

"Something, wrong Colonel?"

"No sir, nothing at all."

And so he continued on with his paperwork for another hour… until…

"Aaarrrggh, I can't take it anymore. Sir may I please be excused to go to the restroom!"

"Sure son, you've been at it long enough. You can-" but he didn't have to finish because as soon as he'd said 'sure' the colonel had taken off, leaving the door wide open.

Rushing to the bathroom, Jack had mauled over Siler, an airman, one of the lab assistants, and poor Daniel in his desperate attempt to reach the little boy's room Only to be dumbfounded by a sign on the door reading:

Out of order

Please use another restroom until repairs are complete

Sam watched from behind the ladies door as he jumped from foot to foot trying o figure out what to door. Silently, she closed the door so he wouldn't hear her giggle. Though it was a bad move on her part, for Jack had decided it was worth his pride to rush into the ladies room to relieve himself. There was no way he would wait for the elevator. Flinging the door open he took no heed to the woman mauled over by t because he had pushed open so quickly. This meant he took no notice of the heap on the floor… well until he had relieved himself and was walking out of the stall.

" Shit, Carter. I can't believe I did that. C'mon wake up." He all but screamed at the blonde. When she merely groaned and squeezed her eyes shut he picked her up bridal style and began the sprint to the infirmary.

Sooo what did you think! Please tell me and thanks to all that have already reviewed. Remember all you have to do is hit that little purple button that says 'go' type a few words about what you thought and then hit a little button that says 'submit review'. It's not to hard so go ahead… you know you want to. You can already hear it calling to you


	4. Rumors

Helloooo! I'm back! Sorry for the wait! I thank nogigglingmajor for bringing me back to my senses! I'm soooooooo so sorry… ok now the continuation. I still don't own Stargate

Rumors 

Nurse Andrews watched as the bases well know hard-ass Colonel rushed into the infirmary, flustered and carrying Major Carter. She had heard of the rumors about the Colonel and Major. Heck, she'd even contributed to the gossip.

She watched as Doctor Fraiser-her boss- ordered O'Neill to place Major Carter onto one of the many beds in the room. Turning down the radio, but still humming the song she liked so much, she hurried over to the group.

"What happened Colonel?" She heard the doctor ask as she grabbed a clip board so that she could take notes.

"I'm not completely sure. One minute I was rushing into the Ladies room and when I came out the next she was on the floor! I think I may have hit her with the door but I was to busy to notice!" He answered ignoring the looks from some the staff in the room. This was definitely going to start another rumor!

Intermission 

"Those two are practically the stars of the SGC" nurse Betty thought as she walked through the doors after Major Carter had been declared merely unconscious form the blow of the door. She would have a nasty bruise for a couple of weeks but other than that she was okay.

The mountain was already in a buzz, the news of the Colonel flying down the halls with his 2IC having already made it's way around the base. New bets were being made on them and what would happen next.

Intermission 

Seargent Adams was making his usual rounds when it had happened. All he had seen was the base's 2IC rushing down the halls towards the elevator, Major Carter's limp body in his arms.

What he did next is what he always did when these things happened, he ran to Walter's quarters in order to up one of the bets he placed. Also he wanted to collect his money- having been the one to bet on Colonel O'Neill would maul anyone(even the general, which could have happened had the meeting with Woolsey not run late) when Sam Carter was hurt. He was gonna be a couple bucks richer!

Intermission 

The song continued to float through the infirmary, but the only people there who could be bothered by it's sound were Jack and Sam. Taking her hand in his he silently prayed for her to wake up soon, even though he knew it wasn't fatal, she wasn't in a coma or anything like that he still needed to hear her voice. That was the only way his worries would leave.

Intermission 

General Hammond walked out of the room to see several of the nurses run off down, giggling all the way. They were followed by severalof the SF's, who looked like a group of children in a candy-store. Confused as to what was going on he stopped one of them.

"What's going on and why do some of my staff look as if they've just won a grand prize?" He asked using his best generals voice. The poor man looked like he would take of screaming any moment. It wasn't until his friend spoke up did the old general relax.

"Colonel O'Neill was seen carrying Major carter down the hall earlier. There's a rumor going around that they have been trying to get together and that's why the Colonel was so upset, sir!" He managed, his voice barely wavering and determination not to cower shown in his eyes.

"Carry on then men. But please tell everyone to gather in the gate room for a very important announcement at 2200. Do you understand?" he sad, addressing the small group that had gathered in front of him.

"Yes sir!" they answered and took off down the hall.

"People these days!" The general said, turning to his office door. He had a few phone calls to make if he wanted the ALL staff to meet in the gate room.

Intermission 

Janet Fraiser was in her her private office when her cell phone started to ring. Looking a the caller ID before answering she pick it up and prepared herself to talk to her teenage daughter.

"Hey, sweetie! What are you up to?" She asked hoping Cassie wouldn't ask about work!

"_Oh, ok I guess. Kinda boring you know? What about you? Anything happen today?"_

Damn, today was not her day. " Oh, well you know the usual. Siler lost his giant wrench and Sam's in the infirmary for a little bit after Jack hit her with a door. He rushed her here though so it was ok!"

"_Wow really? You're sure she's fine… oh any romance goin' on. Have they kissed yet?"_

"Oh, I'm sorry Cass, I have to go… um SG-5 just got back and they need to be-uh- checked out. I'll talk to you later" she lied hoping her daughter would buy it. Sure she wanted Sam and Jack to get together but that didn't mean she would gossip about it behind her friends back… At least on base anyways!

"_Uh-huh! By mom" _was the last thing she heard as she hung up her cell phone and shifted some of the many files sitting on her desk.

Intermission 

"All right people, listen up and listen well," General Hammond started several hours later in the gate room, "No matter how much you believe that Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter are made for each other it does not give you the right to make bets about it on base." At the sheepish looks on everyone's faces he guessed that his assumption was correct. "However I can't stop you from discussing it off of the base. With that said and done, back to your places. And remember, NO MORE BETS!" Looking around at the smiling faces and those begging to laugh he waved them off and watched everyone scamper off.

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So how was it? I know I have a lot of people angry with me but I did my best to make it a bit longer to make up for it! Hope you liked it and please review! Okay! I got several question about the song that used to be in this so I changed it an took out the song! 


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